So a couple weeks ago I was feeling a bit down. Dark Play was coming quickly to close at the time and oddly that was one of the few things I used to maintain my small amount of sanity. So I had a bit of money laying around that didn't need to be invested and I figured I need new shoes.
I haled myself to the mall and went to a couple different stores... (Oh, quick side note, I bought some light green underwear at A.E.... Sad right?) I found myself in the Vans store first. There were some awesome purple vans on the self that were a bit too much out of my price range, but were a good possibility. I went to Journeys and looked at the converse. I've always wanted some converse, but not high tops. Not for me anyway. I asked if they had any purple converse and of course they responded with, "Yes we do, but only in high tops."
"Ok, let me just try on the green low tops in a 7." I don't really wear a 7, but converse run really big. Trust me, I used to sell them. You always want to get them in the next size down. They wear a perfect fit of course, but I wanted to keep looking. Eventually, I found my purple converse at a store whose name I really wish I could remember right now. Once there though the salesmen convinced to buy socks, which were on sale and some shoe cleaner.
On the way home I remembered that I needed to make some practical purchases: deodorant, some razors, and body wash. Pretty basic stuff, right? You would think so, but turns out I can't even buy those things sanely. I sat looking at the Fusion razors outraged that they wanted $15 for five little razors! I love the brand because I've never gotten a closer shave with the least amount of irritation, but this is crazy. Eventually, I begrudgingly put the razors in my basket. I hate shaving though. I can't believe I have to buy this stuff to do something I hate! I mean I don't want to grow facial hair or anything, but it's so time consuming and it can be a bit uncomfortable. It's always the worst part of my day.
"Who do these people think they are? Charging me this much for razors. I think it's about time there was a more sound solution to hair removal. I mean we don't need anything totally permanent, but I shouldn't have to shave every day and… well maintain other areas a few times a week, if you know what I mean. It seems there are no good solutions anymore. Laser therapy cost so much and can be damaging to your skins, hair removing chemicals can actually burn your skin, and lets face it, no one has time to go threw the hour long process of waxing… I don’t do any of those for the record. Ahem. But seriously it is 2010 and we are still using our old grandfathers method of hair removal. It’s ridiculous.”
I went to look at the body washes and the deodorants. Suddenly I found myself having a flash back. July of 2007, when I was working in men’s shoe department at JcPenny. I found that I had recognized one of my co-workers as an Eldorado High graduate. His name was Steven and he was this tall red head who was so far from my type it was ridiculous. He had a beard. I’m never attracted to guys with beards, but this time it was different.
Anyway, the one reason I feel for him so hard wasn’t the fact that he had this really cool nerdy vibe going, which normally works well for me. What sealed the deal was how he smelled. He smelled like heaven…. I’m not creepy I promise. It was just a very cramped department and everyone could smell everyone without trying. Finally, one day, someone asked why he smelled so good. “Well the truth is I use really girly shampoos and deodorants.”
After remembering that brief moment I thought, “What the hell? Let’s try his method.” I smelt numerous body washes and shampoos and deodorants. Of course all of the deodorants smelt too strong and over powering and of course the new scents they are coming out with in soap is getting ridiculous. I remember thinking that I wanted something that smelled natural and fruity (Don’t make any Gay jokes, it’s too easy). The only fruit sentenced body wash was cranberry. No one want to smell like a cranberry. It’s just weird. Cranberry’s smell and taste good for about a second and then you are left with this bitter after taste, or in this case smell, that stings almost. All the other soaps were candy scented, which to me just seemed gross. Why would any want to have caramel scented soap? Do they want people to just follow them around and say, “Hm, you smell like you just feel on a candy apple and got it in your hair!”
After a while of getting nowhere I caved and bought my standard soap and my standard deodorant and went home. Now you have a small window into my insane mind when it comes to shopping. Thank god I got out of working in retail.
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